Looking forward to a great 2016

There are two particular topics I am working on now and hope to bring to you in the first few months of 2016: body language and the clinical use of prayer.  Body language has at least two aspects: that of the person we are speaking to and our own body language.  There is much to learn about this that will make us more perceptive and effective in our work.  Prayer as a clinical intervention must be explored for its clinical effectiveness.  I invite you to study this along with me.

Have a blessed New Year and growth in your work.

I will be back at the blog the first week of January.

Merry Christmas!

To all of you who have taken the time to read this blog, Thank you.  A Merry Christmas to all.  You are a wonderful gift of compassion and service to your patients.

To Our Staff Working on Christmas

First of all, “Thank you.”  Hospice care is a 24/7/365 operation.  Illness does not call a truce for the holidays.  It marches on.  Your commitment to patient care is one of most noble commitments known.  You have my admiration and deep respect.  To my Chaplain Colleagues, you who will be on call during the day will seek to bring comfort and peace to troubled families.  As I was driving to work this morning, I noticed 5 police vehicles at a residence.  What could be happening?  I doubt the people were having a breakfast for this group of officers.  You may be called to a death or another type of spiritual emergency.  I know you will provide what that family needs.  I have great confidence in you.  To all of my Colleagues who are working on Christmas, peace and best blessings. 

A Hospice Take on a Familiar Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house no one was stirring but the hospice Chaplain in Grandpa’s room. The family was bowed low by the chimney in prayer, in hopes that God’s intervention would soon be there. The grandchildren were nestled all snug in their beds, with visions of life without Grandpop coursing through their troubled heads. And Mamma with her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, wished we could settle our brains for a nap. When from the bedroom there arose such a clatter, we sprang from our knees to see what was the matter. The Chaplain sat holding Grandpop’s hand as he said, “Yes, Lord, I am coming home.” I knew in a minute he must be leaving and headed to Heaven. We wept, we hugged, we thanked the Chaplain for her care. Death comes to all, hospice is there.  On Nurse, on Physician, on Social worker, on Home Health Aide, on Chaplain, on IDT, “We care. We love. We serve.”


Thank you, Chaplains, for all you do. Your work is so essential. Have a blessed Christmas celebration. To my Jewish Chaplain friends, May the spirit of Chanukah continue bless

CPE? What's the Big Deal?

From time to time, a Chaplain will have a case that is complex. Complexities come in many forms:  family dynamics, patient internal dynamics, religious issues, conflict, and psycho-social complexities.  Preparation for and experience with theses type of issues are required of the Chaplain. These are key reasons why I am adamant that a hospice Chaplain have a minimum of 3 and hopefully 4 units of Clinical Pastoral Education. CPE prepares a Chaplain for the rigors of hospice chaplaincy. For many hospices one unit of CPE will suffice. In my opinion, that does an injustice to the patients and families. What, then, is CPE? CPE is a hands-on experience that incorporates such matters as pastoral formation and pastoral reflection in order that the Chaplain develops a methodology of ministry that will provide spiritual care to persons of all faiths or no faith. The issue of religious countertransference is often an issue that requires hard work for the Chaplain. CPE is a process. For this reason, there are four units of CPE required as a minimum for a Chaplain to seek Board Certification. Each unit is comprised of 400 hours of supervised study and clinical practice under the guidance of the CPE Supervisor. The end result of CPE is an equipped Chaplain who knows him/herself and has the means to identify those issues of his or her that could jeopardize the pastoral encounters with patients and families. Further, the CPE trained Chaplain possesses the ability to read what Anton Boisen, the founder of CPE, called the "living human document." One of the key reasons I endeavored to attain Board Certification, even though hospices do not require Board Certification or even more than 3 units of CPE, was to develop the skills necessary to benefit the patients and families I would serve. My Board Certification was earned through the Association of Professional Chaplains and the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy. At this point, I find it valuable to state in a more detailed fashion what pastoral formation and pastoral reflection include. Pastoral Formation enables the Trainee to articulate an understanding of the pastoral role that is congruent with their pastoral values, basic assumptions, and personhood (312.1); demonstrate competent use of self in ministry and administrative function which includes: emotional availability, cultural humility, appropriate self-disclosure, positive use of power and authority, a non-anxious and non-judgmental presence, and clear and responsible boundaries (312.6) Pastoral reflection enable the Trainee to establish collaboration and dialogue with peers, authorities and other professionals (312.7; demonstrate awareness of the Spiritual Care Collaborative Common Standards for Professional Chaplaincy (312.8); demonstrate self-supervision through realistic self-evaluation of pastoral functioning (312.9). Over the course of 1,600 hours of clinical work and classroom supervision, a Chaplain's theory and theology of pastoral care is very well developed. Therefore, based upon the preparation a Board Certified Chaplain has undergone he or she becomes able to work with the complex cases with other members of the care team as a fully participating partner all for the patient's good. In posts to come will be examples of my understanding of pastoral formation and pastoral reflection.

Children and Spiritual Pain at Christmas

Children and Spiritual Pain at Christmas

 

For me this topic hits home.  As I reflect on Christmas when I was a child, the memories are a mixture of pleasant and pain.  When I was 10, my Dad died.  That was the line of demarcation between pleasant and pain, what was and what is, then and now.

 

If any family could have totally messed up grief and mourning it was mine.  I know the adults in the family were well-intentioned, but what a mess it was.  My grief counsel was “brave boys don’t cry” and “you are now the man of the house”.  Being a compliant kid that I was I didn’t cry.  I had no idea how to be the man of the house so I put that one on the back burner.  The fact was that my family had no idea how to handle a sudden death which my father’s death was.  He came home from work with terrible chest pain and died a few days later at the hospital.  There were no warnings of any physical problems, it just happened.  A wise person once said, “The death shapes the grief.”  The shape of our grief was intense at first and then silence.  It just wasn’t discussed.  So, we three kids (my older sisters and me) were left to ourselves.  There’s more to the story, but that is not germane to my point in this article.

 

Should you be suffering the loss of a loved one and you have children, may I gently suggest a few actions to take that might bring a measure of healing to your children’s wounded hearts?

 

• Kids need words.  I longed for my Mother to talk to me about how she was feeling and what she would say to me in my pain.  That never happened.  Kids need words.
• Kids benefit from rituals.  Light a candle, say a prayer, donate to a hospital that focuses on the illness that your loved died of, go to church/synagogue.
• Kids need routine.  What you’re going through is not part of your daily schedule, but as much as is possible, keep a routine.  Your child will benefit from that.  Believe me, there was no routine in our grief journey.
• Kids do not grieve as adults.  It’s just different for them.  Talking about what happened may come sooner than later, but expect it to come later than sooner. Within a year of my Dad’s death, my Mother had to have gall bladder surgery.  I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle during that time.  I lay awake at night wondering if she would die, too.  Grieving is a tough journey for kids.
• Kids benefit from hospice grief counsel for children.  If you do not know how to help your child with grief, please contact your local hospice.  They will have someone who specializes with children’s grief. 
• One last thing, time will NOT heal this wound.  Your child needs tools to work her way through this process. 

 

I do hope your Christmas is merry.  But, it isn’t and it is because of the loss of a loved one, my heart goes out to you.  If I can help, I am happy to hear you and connect you with someone with a focus on children’s grief.  Blessings for comfort and peace.

How a reputation is lost…

There are a few things a hospice chaplain must hold near and dear to his heart: respect, pastoral care skills, and relational skills.  Respect given and received will keep the chaplain in good stead with the IDT.  Lose it and you find yourself in a hole you dug for yourself.  The one sure way to lose respect of your co-workers is to be the source of rumors.  Rumor-mongering in the workplace is never good.  It creates a toxic environment.  For the Chaplain, of all people, to be the source of rumors is totally incongruous to what a Chaplain is to stand for.  As I researched the concept of rumor mongering in the workplace, I came upon Bull’sEyeCareers.com.  This site’s mission statement caught my eye: “Career advice for those who seek to enhance their lives through meaningful work, professional development and education.”  And, then, came the article titled, “A Bad Workplace Habit to Nip in the Bud this Year.”  Here is a small portion of the article you will find instructive:  “when the rumors get personal and fellow employees begin to discuss other employees or bosses negatively, it is really time to step away. There are toxic people in organizations who would love nothing more than to drag you into their own web as a partner in crime. You know these people. They are always happy to say what they heard or saw and they are not afraid to drop names about who else knows and what someone else said. They are always happy to be the one who lets you in on the “secret” everyone else knows but you. Make no mistake about it, your name will be the first on his/her lips as they share the story with the next willing listener. They may even embellish what you said or didn’t say.
“Here are my five "Be's" for the new year as it relates to workplace rumor mongering:
1. Be careful...about your sources and what you repeat.
2. Be elusive...and avoid being alone with people who always want to snare others into their, "Did you hear about..." trap.
3. Be selective...about what you believe.
4. Be honest...and let people know that you would really prefer to just not talk about other people.
5. Be adept...at changing the conversation.”

I urge my Chaplain Colleagues to guard your reputation as your most valuable possession.  We are reminded in Proverbs 22:1: “A good reputation and respect are worth much more than silver and gold.” (Darby)  What 3 things can you do to enhance your reputation?  What 1 behavior will you not do to prevent your reputation from being soiled?