Religion or Spirituality

It often puzzles me when these two concepts are used interchangeably.  When Chaplains confuse the two, it really causes a raised eyebrow.  With that in mind, I will present some of the best and thorough-going definitions of the term ‘spirituality’.

 

“Spirituality is the aspect of humanity that refers to the way individuals seek and express meaning and purpose and the way they experience their connectedness to the moment, to self, to others, to nature, and to the significant or sacred.”  National Consensus Panel Report, Improving the Quality of Spiritual Care as a Dimension of Palliative Care: The Report of the Consensus Conference, October, 2009.

 

“We can define “spiritual” as a life force that awakens us to healing, wonder, community, trust, deep emotions and authentic hope.  What is “spiritual” within a person informs our understanding of identity, our place in the world, our purpose and our values.  This, in turn, inspires creativity, mutuality, morality, and serving the good of all.  This can be achieved through faith in a religion, of course, but by defining it this way, it need not be limited solely to the religious realm.”  Spiritual Health Therapy: New Nomenclature for Spiritual Care Provision at William Osler Health System, Plainviews, February 17, 2016

Volume 13 No. 2.

 

“Spirituality is the culmination of a person’s quest to discover the ultimate and transcendent meaning and purpose of his/her life. Spirituality reflects the essence and substance of that person - the values, thoughts, emotions, motivations, dreams, experiences, assumptions and relationships that make the person a unique individual. Spirituality provides the individual with the vitality, drive and determination to develop and function as a fully actualized person. Spirituality is not static; it changes over time in response to external events and the person’s ever-developing and evolving sense of self.”  Hillel Bodek, MSW, LCSW-R, BCD

 

I encourage all members of the IDT to review the above in order to recognize the depth and breadth of spirituality and to recognize it may include religious expression, but that religious expression is not required for a person to be spiritual. 

Thank you...

Thank you to all who have visited Embraced. We now have over 7,000 visitors to the site. I am well aware that this is a small-niche site designed for hospice chaplains (although chaplains of all markets could benefit, as well).  The fact that there are followings from around the world indicate that Embraced is meeting needs.

I am always happy to receive your comments and feedback.  If there is a topic you would like me to address, just let me know and I will be happy to give it a go.  

Chaplain Colleagues, I honor and respect your work.  It is sacred and absolutely necessary in the healthcare environment.  Thank you, once again.

Please…don’t say these things

At times we all say the dumbest things to patients because of a lapse of thought.  This article is just to remind us of the care we need to take in our conversations with hospice patients.

 

1. “When God shuts a door. He opens a window.”  Have you ever thought that from the patient’s perspective that yes, a door has shut, but there is no window?  This statement obviously is religious graffiti with no basis in thoughtfulness.  It might be a good exercise to read Job 2:11-13 to gain some insight into how to suffer with another human being:
   When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
   What did these three friends do?  Correct.  They sat in the ashes with Job and said not a word because they saw his greatness of suffering.  Our western culture hates silence to the point that people feel like they have to interrupt the silence with inane words.  We have to better than that.  We continue…
    
2. “If you pray hard enough…”  Oh, how this incites many emotions within me.  Why don’t we just say to the terminally ill person, “Look, this cancer (or whatever is claiming this person’s life) is all your fault.  If only you had been more religious this wouldn’t have happened.”  I would not expect a professional Chaplain to say something so outrageous as this, but it calls us to remember that our words have the power to support and encourage and to crush.  Let’s be very sure we support and encourage.
    
3. “God is in charge…”  True, but your patient is experiencing life on the emotional side of things and is not really concerned with systematic theology at the moment. 
4. “God will never give you more than you can handle.”  Again, true, and again this is not New Testament survey, this is life.

 

The above are usually stated by those who intellectualize suffering.  If they can put a cliché to their religious thought then they believe everything will be alright and they can drop these statements on unsuspecting, dying patients.  I simply ask you to swap places with the dying and answer how  you believe you would feel is someone laid such guilt trips on you as you lay searching to make congruence out of your suffering and your faith.

 

Here are a couple of other statements that can pierce a soul much like the iceberg pierced the Titanic:

1.  “You can fight this.”  No comment needed.
2.  “God must need you in Heaven.”  Pulling my hair out on this one.  Another variation is “God must have needed another angel when you baby died.”
    
   Why not something like this:
   “I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  I love you.”
   “You are so loved.”
   “You are not alone.”
    
   Chaplain Colleagues, we will hear well-meaning people say the worst things to our patients.  Please educate and assist them to speak words of peace and comfort.  Not an easy assignment, but yet, it is one of blessed tasks.

 

 

 

 

Positive and Negative, more than just opposite poles on a battery...

What side of a problem do you usually take?  The problem side or the solution side?

If you take the problem side, chances are you are a Master of the Obvious.  You point out what everyone else knows, there is a problem.

If you take the problem side, chances are your personality is more negative than positive.  Some folks are born that way, I suppose, but if you’re going to be a difference maker you’re going to have to work on that.

If you take the solution side, chances are your focus is on what can be done to change the situation.

If you take the solution side, chances are your personality is positive which influences people and circumstances and makes a difference.

What does this have to do with chaplaincy?  A lot.  If you want to have an influence on your IDT, be on the solution side of a problem.  Problems arise from time to time.  It is easy to join the Fraternity or Sorority of the Negative.  Is that really what the IDT needs?  When changes are made is being negative what the IDT needs?  The fact is your IDT looks to you for leadership.  While they may feel and express negativity your lead will help put oil on the troubled waters. 

Besides the above, isn’t your personal happiness and well-being fostered by a more positive outlook than negative?  Our persona and reputation go before us.

Bless you, Chaplain Colleagues, yours is a key position that has many facets.  May your personality’s facet shine and glimmer like a Tiffany diamond.  Maybe the Knot Prayer is for you.  It is for me.

10 Highly Effective Habits of Hospice Chaplains

Over the years I have attempted to practice effective strategies and habits.  They helped me carry ridiculously high caseloads and at the same time provided me a platform for beneficial pastoral care.  Let me list several and perhaps you can add a few of your own:

1.       Stay spiritually centered.  The work we do demands our best, a clear head, a clean heart, a strong inner person. 

2.       Keep relationships strong at home.   If you leave home and you’re all emotionally in turmoil from an argument with your spouse or children, your day can be doomed.  Instead, as much as is possible, keep harmony in your relationships.  Find a way to release the turmoil before you see your first patient if something does happen.

3.       Organize your work.  At Cornerstone Hospice we have a piece of our electronic charting to make out a daily/weekly schedule.  Know where you’re going.  Caseloads these days are higher than they have ever been.  Don’t expect that to change.

4.       Document your work.  At Cornerstone Hospice we are required to document at the bedside or shortly thereafter.  Do not allow your charting to grow stale.  I promise you will miss something important.

5.       Build relationships of trust with your patients and families.  You may be the one to officiate at the funeral and your background with the patient and family will hold you in good stead.  The surviving family members will appreciate you for it.

6.       Work with the patient to achieve the Goals/Expected Outcomes.  Help them to leave this world with as many loose ends tied up as possible.

7.       Take time to assist a new Chaplain.  Show him/her the ropes.  Teach them good habits to practice.  Introduce them to your IDT members.  Always hold them in high regard among your colleagues.

8.       Give a listening ear to IDT members that are going through difficult times.  You will endear yourself to the Team and that is something very important.

9.       Stay abreast of the chaplaincy world.  Learn all you can and share it.

10.   Become the go-to expert on matters spiritual and religious on your IDT.  Ask your Team Manager for time to teach and train your Team.  You will be the beneficiary of the Team’s high regard. 

These are 10 highly effective habits.  What would you add?

Staying motivated, positive, and hopeful...keys to your career

What is it that keeps you motivated?  What keeps your engine running at an optimum rpm?  What keeps you going even when all around you is not going well at all?  In this post I will open my life to you and let you see what keeps me motivated, positive, and hopeful.  

First, I want you to know that I cultivate spirituality deep in my heart and soul.  The Bible provides inspiration.  Prayer provides a place of confession, forgiveness, direction, assurance, confidence, and peace.  Together Bible reading and prayer form a solid foundation for my inner life.

Proverbs 22:29 (NIV) reads, “Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.”  There are so many skilled hospice Chaplains that I have learned from and who continue to do their work with excellence.  They invested time and information in my life.  The least I can do is put that information to use and go several steps farther and gain insight of my own.  Giving my best effort, doing a good job, exhibiting confidence and demonstrating my own strengths and abilities are all facets of the beautiful diamond I call, “Excellence in Spiritual Care”.   An unknown thinker wrote, “One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what you are doing.”  Every hospice Chaplain should be a student of the profession.  Getting into a rut of doing the same thing with each patient is a dangerous place to be.  After all, a rut is defined as a grave with both ends kicked out.  Make time to read about hospice chaplaincy.  Buy yourself a subscription to professional journal such as Plainviews.  You will be informed and challenged by what you read.  You will grow.  And, it must be remembered that soon you and your staff colleagues must do the work of top 10% hospice Chaplains or your hospice might not receive its full re-imbursement.  While it is not all on the Chaplains to excel, certainly, the Chaplains should lead the way to excellence.

Let me tell you what your manager is looking for when your annual review comes do.  The manager is looking at the big picture of your chaplaincy.  The big picture is comprised of many small actions.  Together they make up the whole.  Such things as attitude, commitment to the hospice philosophy, productivity, documentation excellence, and healthy relationships with staff are some of the matters a manager looks to in completing a yearly evaluation.  I am not looking for our Chaplains to be perfect. I am looking for them to be consistently excellent.  Our bar is high at Cornerstone.  So far, our Chaplains are reaching it a good bit of the time.  They are aware of two things: first that I must be a top 10% manager and, second, they must be top 10% Chaplains.  While these are daunting goals, they are not out of reach.  In fact, as Robert Frost put it, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”  I may be wrong, but don’t think so, when I say that I believe that many more people are looking to travel an easier road.  Therefore, I choose the road less traveled.  Yes, it will be harder and more challenging, but the rewards are far greater. 

Yesterday, my pastor said to me, “I don’t know how you do it. You work with people with so little hope.” At first glance, that statement has a ring of truth to it. But, when you think of it, our patients have every reason to hope… to hope for reconciliation with a loved one and, perhaps, to God; to tie up the loose ends of their lives in the time that remains; to find forgiveness; to extend forgiveness; to realize that life was, indeed, worth living; to celebrate a life well lived; to bless those who need to know that they were and are loved and appreciated; to affirm the depth of love for a spouse; to review life with a spouse and/or children (adult or younger).  Hope lives in hospice. 

So, Blessed Chaplain Colleagues, I urge you to give your all in service to your patients and their loved ones.  Be motivated, be positive, be strong, and be faithful.

Applying Body Language Clues

I think it important to state at the beginning of this article that I am not suggesting you analyze your patients or family members.  This is not what hospice chaplaincy is about.  We work daily with living human documents.  My purpose is to provide you with clues and cues to assist you in your approach to pastoral care.  This affects your emotional intelligence which will also affect your pastoral care relationship with patients and family members.

 

With that stated, I want to provide clues and cues dealing with your observation of eyes, mouth and voice, posture, and touching.

 

EYES

While direct eye contact is good and shows interest, if you as the Chaplain become too intense with your eyes you will send a message of dominance and intimidation.  Don’t do that.  If the person you are working with does not keep eye contact or looks away frequently, you have lost them.  Stop what you are talking about and regroup.  Change the subject to something they do have interest in.  You have heard of the term “brow-beat”?   Don’t ever continue to talk about a subject in pastoral care because you feel they “must” hear what you are saying.  Pastoral care is much more patient than that.

 

MOUTH AND VOICE

If the person you are talking to presents with lips that are pursed or tight, it may mean they disapprove of what you are saying or at least not trust what you are saying.  If the person you are talking to is loud, it may be they are angry, frustrated, upset, or stressed out.  May this call to mind your training on suffering.  Loud is often what suffering sounds like.  If they are talking softly, it could be they are uncomfortable, embarrassed, or even shy.  Be mindful that if someone asks you a question and answers it themselves they are definitely telling you something about themselves. Be sure to listen and hear.

 

POSTURE

These comments have as much to do with your posture as to the posture of the one you are speaking with.  Arms crossed and legs turned away from you is a closed posture which means you have work to do to overcome a barrier or two.  If you see the person hunched over with hands supporting the head, that person might be emotionally weary and in need of your support.

 

TOUCHING

Touching is a “touchy” subject.  Be cautious.  It is a natural thing for a Chaplain to reach out to touch a patient or grieving/upset family member.  Keep in mind that a touch might not be welcome.  The patient or family member may misunderstand the intent of the touch, especially if the patient’s condition in any way decreases their understanding and perception.  It is advised to ask before you touch a shoulder or hold a hand.  And, you have to set boundaries about people touching you.  Please read the informative site http://www.livescience.com/20801-personal-space.html. 

Hopefully, you gained some insight into cues and clues.  Don’t overdo it and over-analyze people.  Just know that there are behaviors and postures that can give you a bit of understanding where people are in their emotions.  Be yourself, be open, and be compassionate.  That communicates well and we know that people on a hospice journey need Chaplains who care.  Blessings!