Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Positive and Negative, more than just opposite poles on a battery...

What side of a problem do you usually take?  The problem side or the solution side?
If you take the problem side, chances are you are a Master of the Obvious.  You point out what everyone else knows, there is a problem.

If you take the problem side, chances are your personality is more negative than positive.  Some folks are born that way, I suppose, but if you’re going to be a difference maker you’re going to have to work on that.

If you take the solution side, chances are your focus is on what can be done to change the situation.
If you take the solution side, chances are your personality is positive which influences people and circumstances and makes a difference.

What does this have to do with chaplaincy?  A lot.  If you want to have an influence on your IDT, be on the solution side of a problem.  Problems arise from time to time.  It is easy to join the Fraternity or Sorority of the Negative.  Is that really what the IDT needs?  When changes are made is being negative what the IDT needs?  The fact is your IDT looks to you for leadership.  While they may feel and express negativity your lead will help put oil on the troubled waters. 

Besides the above, isn’t your personal happiness and well-being fostered by a more positive outlook than negative?  Our persona and reputation go before us.

Bless you, Chaplain Colleagues, yours is a key position that has many facets.  May your personality’s facet shine and glimmer like a Tiffany diamond.  Maybe the Knot Prayer is for you.  It is for me.



10 Highly Effective Habits of Hospice Chaplains


Over the years I have attempted to practice effective strategies and habits.  They helped me carry ridiculously high caseloads and at the same time provided me a platform for beneficial pastoral care.  Let me list several and perhaps you can add a few of your own:
1.       Stay spiritually centered.  The work we do demands our best, a clear head, a clean heart, a strong inner person. 
2.       Keep relationships strong at home.   If you leave home and you’re all emotionally in turmoil from an argument with your spouse or children, your day can be doomed.  Instead, as much as is possible, keep harmony in your relationships.  Find a way to release the turmoil before you see your first patient if something does happen.
3.       Organize your work.  At Cornerstone Hospice we have a piece of our electronic charting to make out a daily/weekly schedule.  Know where you’re going.  Caseloads these days are higher than they have ever been.  Don’t expect that to change.
4.       Document your work.  At Cornerstone Hospice we are required to document at the bedside or shortly thereafter.  Do not allow your charting to grow stale.  I promise you will miss something important.
5.       Build relationships of trust with your patients and families.  You may be the one to officiate at the funeral and your background with the patient and family will hold you in good stead.  The surviving family members will appreciate you for it.
6.       Work with the patient to achieve the Goals/Expected Outcomes.  Help them to leave this world with as many loose ends tied up as possible.
7.       Take time to assist a new Chaplain.  Show him/her the ropes.  Teach them good habits to practice.  Introduce them to your IDT members.  Always hold them in high regard among your colleagues.
8.       Give a listening ear to IDT members that are going through difficult times.  You will endear yourself to the Team and that is something very important.
9.       Stay abreast of the chaplaincy world.  Learn all you can and share it.
10.   Become the go-to expert on matters spiritual and religious on your IDT.  Ask your Team Manager for time to teach and train your Team.  You will be the beneficiary of the Team’s high regard. 

These are 10 highly effective habits.  What would you add?

Staying motivated, positive, and hopeful...keys to your career

What is it that keeps you motivated?  What keeps your engine running at an optimum rpm?  What keeps you going even when all around you is not going well at all?  In this post I will open my life to you and let you see what keeps me motivated, positive, and hopeful.  

First, I want you to know that I cultivate spirituality deep in my heart and soul.  The Bible provides inspiration.  Prayer provides a place of confession, forgiveness, direction, assurance, confidence, and peace.  Together Bible reading and prayer form a solid foundation for my inner life.
Proverbs 22:29 (NIV) reads, “Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.”  There are so many skilled hospice Chaplains that I have learned from and who continue to do their work with excellence.  They invested time and information in my life.  The least I can do is put that information to use and go several steps farther and gain insight of my own.  Giving my best effort, doing a good job, exhibiting confidence and demonstrating my own strengths and abilities are all facets of the beautiful diamond I call, “Excellence in Spiritual Care”.   An unknown thinker wrote, “One of the greatest sources of energy is pride in what you are doing.”  Every hospice Chaplain should be a student of the profession.  Getting into a rut of doing the same thing with each patient is a dangerous place to be.  After all, a rut is defined as a grave with both ends kicked out.  Make time to read about hospice chaplaincy.  Buy yourself a subscription to professional journal such as Plainviews.  You will be informed and challenged by what you read.  You will grow.  And, it must be remembered that soon you and your staff colleagues must do the work of top 10% hospice Chaplains or your hospice might not receive its full re-imbursement.  While it is not all on the Chaplains to excel, certainly, the Chaplains should lead the way to excellence.

Let me tell you what your manager is looking for when your annual review comes do.  The manager is looking at the big picture of your chaplaincy.  The big picture is comprised of many small actions.  Together they make up the whole.  Such things as attitude, commitment to the hospice philosophy, productivity, documentation excellence, and healthy relationships with staff are some of the matters a manager looks to in completing a yearly evaluation.  I am not looking for our Chaplains to be perfect. I am looking for them to be consistently excellent.  Our bar is high at Cornerstone.  So far, our Chaplains are reaching it a good bit of the time.  They are aware of two things: first that I must be a top 10% manager and, second, they must be top 10% Chaplains.  While these are daunting goals, they are not out of reach.  In fact, as Robert Frost put it, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”  I may be wrong, but don’t think so, when I say that I believe that many more people are looking to travel an easier road.  Therefore, I choose the road less traveled.  Yes, it will be harder and more challenging, but the rewards are far greater. 
Yesterday, my pastor said to me, “I don’t know how you do it. You work with people with so little hope.” At first glance, that statement has a ring of truth to it. But, when you think of it, our patients have every reason to hope… to hope for reconciliation with a loved one and, perhaps, to God; to tie up the loose ends of their lives in the time that remains; to find forgiveness; to extend forgiveness; to realize that life was, indeed, worth living; to celebrate a life well lived; to bless those who need to know that they were and are loved and appreciated; to affirm the depth of love for a spouse; to review life with a spouse and/or children (adult or younger).  Hope lives in hospice. 


So, Blessed Chaplain Colleagues, I urge you to give your all in service to your patients and their loved ones.  Be motivated, be positive, be strong, and be faithful.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Applying Body Language Clues


I think it important to state at the beginning of this article that I am not suggesting you analyze your patients or family members.  This is not what hospice chaplaincy is about.  We work daily with living human documents.  My purpose is to provide you with clues and cues to assist you in your approach to pastoral care.  This affects your emotional intelligence which will also affect your pastoral care relationship with patients and family members.

 

With that stated, I want to provide clues and cues dealing with your observation of eyes, mouth and voice, posture, and touching.

 

EYES

While direct eye contact is good and shows interest, if you as the Chaplain become too intense with your eyes you will send a message of dominance and intimidation.  Don’t do that.  If the person you are working with does not keep eye contact or looks away frequently, you have lost them.  Stop what you are talking about and regroup.  Change the subject to something they do have interest in.  You have heard of the term “brow-beat”?   Don’t ever continue to talk about a subject in pastoral care because you feel they “must” hear what you are saying.  Pastoral care is much more patient than that.

 

MOUTH AND VOICE

If the person you are talking to presents with lips that are pursed or tight, it may mean they disapprove of what you are saying or at least not trust what you are saying.  If the person you are talking to is loud, it may be they are angry, frustrated, upset, or stressed out.  May this call to mind your training on suffering.  Loud is often what suffering sounds like.  If they are talking softly, it could be they are uncomfortable, embarrassed, or even shy.  Be mindful that if someone asks you a question and answers it themselves they are definitely telling you something about themselves. Be sure to listen and hear.

 

POSTURE

These comments have as much to do with your posture as to the posture of the one you are speaking with.  Arms crossed and legs turned away from you is a closed posture which means you have work to do to overcome a barrier or two.  If you see the person hunched over with hands supporting the head, that person might be emotionally weary and in need of your support.

 

TOUCHING

Touching is a “touchy” subject.  Be cautious.  It is a natural thing for a Chaplain to reach out to touch a patient or grieving/upset family member.  Keep in mind that a touch might not be welcome.  The patient or family member may misunderstand the intent of the touch, especially if the patient’s condition in any way decreases their understanding and perception.  It is advised to ask before you touch a shoulder or hold a hand.  And, you have to set boundaries about people touching you.  Please read the informative site http://www.livescience.com/20801-personal-space.html. 

Hopefully, you gained some insight into cues and clues.  Don’t overdo it and over-analyze people.  Just know that there are behaviors and postures that can give you a bit of understanding where people are in their emotions.  Be yourself, be open, and be compassionate.  That communicates well and we know that people on a hospice journey need Chaplains who care.  Blessings!

 

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

How you shake someone’s hand …


There is a gentleman at my church (yes, I attend church and even teach a class) that shakes hand like a vice.  I’m not sure what his point is in doing that but he does_every week.  How you as a Chaplain shake hands, speak, and express yourself facially and with your body will dictate the success or failure of your visit.

 

Here are a few of the more notorious types of handshakes:

 

  •  The Vice Grip—As I mentioned above this is a hand crushing type of handshake.  Ultimately its purpose is to show dominance, strength, and even intimidation.  These qualities are the last things a Chaplain wants to express to his patients and their family members.
  •  The Lobster—This handshake has this moniker because the dominant person simply grasps the other person’s fingers, but does not grasp the hand.  Again, this is along the lines of dominance and superiority and not a handshake a Chaplain should employ.
  •  The Sweaty Handshake—If you’ve ever experienced this handshake you know that your hand is perfectly dry, but the other person’s hand is sweaty, giving a yucky feeling.  This is not atypical for a hospice patient or family member to be nervous when they greet you. If their hand is sweaty, so be it.  Do not allow your facial expression to look surprised or dismayed or shocked. 
  •  The Dead Fish—Chaplain, know thyself.  If your personality style is passive or reserved, do not allow that to come across in the way you shake hands.  A handshake begins the visit, as does your tone of voice and your facial expression.  You just can’t sabotage yourself with a dead fish, limp handshake.
  •  The embraced handshake—This is a very acceptable handshake if it matches your facial expression and tone of voice.  A handshake where you embrace the other person’s hand with your hands conveys warmth and caring.  Be sure all about you agrees with warmth and caring.
  •  The firm handshake—I saved this one for last simply because there is a difference between it and the vice grip.  Firm, but not crushing.  Firm, but not intimidating.  Firm but brief so as not to linger trying to out shake the other person.  Facial expression and tone of voice convey your level of engagement with the person.  

 

Chaplain Colleagues, the way you begin your visit cannot be undervalued.  Your smile, you kind words of greeting and your handshake will put your patients and their families at ease.  Providing a non-anxious presence will serve as a catalyst to many a positive and healing discussion.

Friday, February 12, 2016

How you say it ...


In the last post, I wrote about body language.  How we present ourselves to our new patients and their families and our ongoing caseload of patients will lay the foundation for effective pastoral care visits.  Coupled with body language is our speech.  

 

Professor Albert Mehrabian has pioneered the understanding of communications since the 1960s. He received his PhD from Clark University and in l964 began an extended career of teaching and research at the University of California, Los Angeles.  Mehrabian's findings were:

  • 7% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is in the words that are spoken.
  • 38% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is paralinguistic (the way that the words are said).
  • 55% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is in facial expression.
    As you know, in hospice chaplaincy how you say your words is just as important as what words you say.  You convey your meaning non-verbally with your body language and amplify that with your voice. 
    It is helpful to have examples so we can actually hear how a voice should sound.  The Guardian has an instructive site that provides examples of what someone should sound like to engage, to calm and to soothe.  These are three of the many tasks a Chaplain performs in pastoral care chaplaincy.  Please go to https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/apr/16/is-your-voice-trustworthy-engaging-or-soothing-to-strangers to listen to the examples.
     
    I hope you are gaining insight regarding the skills required to convey our meanings to our patients and their families.  This will help us to connect with them quickly and start the spiritual care relationships on a solid foundation. 
     

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Facial Expressions and the Chaplain


My goal on the topic of body language has been to get the facts and present those that are most pertinent to the hospice chaplain.  Today, I will present a topic of great interest to successful interaction with patients and their families.  There are few things that irk me more when I am with a patient that is in the throes of an illness that leaves the patient with an odor or some physical deformity and someone comes into the room and  makes a facial expression of horror or some such thing.  The chaplain must not surrender pastoral care decorum to odors or deformities.  Facial expressions speak volumes to the patient and to their families.  There are 6 emotional facial expressions.  Can you list them?  I will assist you by providing a letter or two or three for each one.  In coming articles I will address the components of facial expressions.  For now, we just want to identify the expressions that we use, as well as, those of patients.

 

H- - p - - - - s
S - - - - - -
F - - -
D - - g - - t
S - - - r - - e
A - - - - r

 

A chaplain must be proficient in conveying several vital cues through facial expression:

  • Empathy
  • Interested listening
  • Hopefulness
  • Affirmation
  • Acceptance
  • Concern
  • Compassion
  • What other facial expressions can you think of? 
     
    In future articles we will examine practical tips on how to express these vital emotions.